ETERNAL GLORY — Confirming fears long-held by Christian sports fans, an announcement from Heaven confirmed that God keeps a list of people who leave church early to watch football games.

So the Eagles have landed in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and, according to Eagles CB Darius Slay, due to the city's high crime rate, the players are supposed to be simply staying in their hotel rooms and not wandering about.

I'll save you, little one..🐈🐾🐥😊 pic.twitter.com/vknxRq1Wp7

— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) August 22, 2024

Leave it to Chick-fil-A to not just improve the drive-thru experience but utterly revolutionize it:

When my wife asks me why I need thermal goggles I send her this: pic.twitter.com/bExxJIiwTC

— Giga Based Dad (@GigaBasedDad) August 22, 2024

Squirrel wanted to show her rescuer her newborn babies..🐿️😊

📹rhamadashuri pic.twitter.com/WTd1yf9ZOL

— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) August 20, 2024