It is a sad day for biscuit lovers, as Red Lobster is closing 48 locations and is rumored to be considering bankruptcy.

JEFFERSON CITY, MO — After making national headlines with its headquarters announcing that it was closing dozens of locations in multiple states across the country, hero Sam Harrell has kept one Red Lobster's doors open by continuing to order more endless shrimp.

What an insanely cool time to be alive.

WACO, TX — With summer barbecue season about to heat up, a new study has found that a remarkable 100% of men cooking on a grill were just kinda moving meat around and hoping for the best.

Oh look, the Hamas-controlled Government Media Office (GMO) has been overstating deaths of women and children in Gaza. Who would've thought?!?!

After 10 whole days of fluffy, overweight Princeton students refusing to eat to protest Israel, they have finally called it quits and introduced "rotary hunger strikes."