AMARILLO, TX — After local man Jeremy Long got home from work a little early on Thursday he was greeted by a wife wearing pajamas, forcing him to consider whether or not she was "already" in pajamas or "still" in pajamas.

Elbows up, Canada!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another genius move designed to weaken a rival nation, President Donald Trump enacted a plan to dumb down the Chinese population by inviting them to attend American universities.

How was this not already required by law?